The other day I had to go to the hospital for more doctor-related things and when I got there I found out that the Doc had an emergency so my appointment was going to be rescheduled. Life happens, I get that. And while it’s slightly annoying, I understand, but that’s not why where here. I have a funny story tell and I hope you enjoy.
As I have time to kill and the hospital where my Doc resides is 45 minutes away. Instead of wasting a trip I decided to stop by the Mall… because as a female, that’s what I am stereo-typically supposed to do, right? (/kidding) Honestly I wanted to pick up some things for Valentines Day and see if the MAC Counter had any Fix+ in because I am about 5 sprays from being completely out. It’s a struggle, I know.
My outfit for the day consisted of some jeans, a wolverine t-shirt, my red flats, my white wig from Liz-Wigs, a black, slouchy beanie, my Vogmask and ZERO makeup…. Terrifyingly hipsterific, right? I arrive at the mall and let the adventure begin. I am minding my own business, trying not to make any sort of eye contact with anyone because I already know people are staring. They always do and I am used to it. I am on a mission to get in, get what I need, and get out as I am on a limited amount of spoons.
Anywho, I get to the MAC counter and they’re out of Fix+. Bummer. I compromise by snagging some Rose pigment because that stuff is GORGEOUS! One store down, two to go.
Next store: Game Stop. Be still my gamer girl heart! Got what I needed within 3 minutes! (Mr. Chaos got goodies from here for Valentines Day…)
*****
Last stop: HOT TOPIC…where the real fun begins. When I want to find some nerd-culture apparel and don’t want to wait or pay for shipping, this is where I go. They’ve gotten better over the years for their fandom wear and sometimes there are some cute pin-up dresses in there. I still miss the days before HT became the Goth Gap, but I make do with what I can.
I walk in and head towards the Doctor Who area right inside the front of the store. The 6 staff, who are mostly composed of high school kids, don’t notice me when I first walk in. That’s cool, they’re preoccupied and that’s fine – they’re working! So I’m looking at the shiny Tardis dresses and one of the staff comes up and asks if I need any help. I turn to reply to him and he stops in mid sentence… I apparently caught him off guard with my attire. He recovered after a brief shock-and-awe moment so I replied and went on my way. Next, I head back to the clearance area passing the rest of the staff as I get to my destination. (Normally I just head straight to clearance because I am a sucker for markdowns.)
As I am perusing the clearance shirts, staff member #2 comes up. He’s probably in college (I overheard that he was a theatre major). He compliments me on my hair, assuming it’s dyed. I thank him… normally when I get approached by a stranger it generally has something to do about my mask or why I wear it. I was delightfully surprised. I mentioned that it was a wig and where I got it, then he asked about my mask so I told him that info as well. He was very nice to talk to and asked if I needed any assistance.
After checking out two more clearance racks I take my items and start heading to the counter, when three more of the staff stop me and ask me if I was a Cyber Punk. HA! Really?! I guess my mask and white hair would pass for light-Cyber Punk attire – but that’s the extent of it. They complimented me on my hair, again thinking it real…. which is a sign of a good wig. I told them it was a wig and took my beanie off so they could see the full wig. They were amazed that anyone could wear a wig without it looking like a wig. I had a chuckle or two. Then they got distracted with the Fallout Boy song that came over the speakers and walked off.
By now my energy level is starting to wane. I need to go home. I get about 5 feet from the counter and then I’m stopped…AGAIN!
“How old are you?” says a lanky, stringy-haired teenager… followed by “Are you in high school?” before I could even answer the first question.
Okay… stopping laughing on the inside. Get your act together, Chaos…
I answered that, no, I wasn’t in high school hoping that that would negate disclosing my age (not that I’m ashamed, as a newly minted 26-year-old, I just like not having to disclose information when I don’t have to). Nope. He asked again and I reluctantly answered, hoping that that was it……… but it wasn’t.
“Well you look like a teenager. I’m 18. Do you wanna go on a date sometime?”
WHAT!?!?!?!!? Please note that this whole time I am using my left hand to gesture just to be not so subtle that I am married because I had a funny feeling that this was the direction that this conversation was headed. Unfortunately he couldn’t take the hint.
Politely I replied, “I am flattered but I have to decline. My husband might not be too happy about that.” I was done being subtle since obviously it wasn’t working.
“Awww…dang. Well, if you change your mind – I work here after school. Oh and I’m just going to throw this out here —- I thought you were hot even before I knew your age.“
So… now it’s getting really hard not to bust out laughing because DAMN… Tact, anyone? ‘If I change my mind?’ IF!!! What the heck. I am not going to start on the inner-ranty monologue that went on in my head because it made my brain literally hurt from the stupidity that just exited this kid’s mouth.
Again, I composed myself and said that I was flattered but I really needed to finish my errands for the day. I swear the time it took me to check out felt like the longest time EVER. It didn’t help that this guy was ogling/watching me as if I was a magical unicorn about to disappear.
Finally grabbed my bag and made a quick exit before he could say anything else because he tried to come up to me as I was leaving but I thought quick and pretended that my phone was ringing. Out of the store. FREEDOM!
*****
So…yeah. That happened. Good news is I snagged some awesome t-shirts on clearance and got the majority of my shopping list completed. Bad news is that that last conversation was really, REALLY, REALLY awkward and uncomfortable. Sure, the whole I don’t look my age was a nice complement and had it stopped there – it would have been alright… but it didn’t.
Looking back it still makes me squirm a bit… even though I can laugh about it. Have you ever had anything awkward happen to you while you were shopping? Lemme know so we can bond over the awkward turtles.
Kids these days. Geez.
[In unrelated news, I will be updating and blogging more over the next few weeks. This will include pictorials for some of the looks that I’ve been posting on Instagram as well as some reviews and DIYs for my favorite life hacks!]
